Much weirdness

Tonight is a new moon, so I did some 'new moon prayers'. Although I previously blogged about my beliefs and me being wiccan/pagan, I don't think I've even actually mentioned anything about my rituals. I could be wrong, my head's a bit mong at the mo for some reason. I often get weird feelings and things during rituals. It's hard to explain to anyone that hasn't actually felt it or thinks it's all a pile of new agey crap. I suppose the easiest way to describe it is 'zoning out'. I go into a bit of a blur, can't focus on sounds or images, I just kind of, it sounds crazy but, go into myself and it's not like I'm in my body anymore, like I'm floating just outside it. That's the best way I can describe it. When I get like that I tend to see, hear or feel things. Sometimes they're obvious sometimes they're not.

Tonight was no exception, although for some reason tonight was stranger than usual. I did my usual prayers and incantations, but then my chest went tight and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I carried on, but I went really really spaced out very quickly. Usually at this point I would see/hear and feel things and it usually takes a little while to get to that point, but this time was literally 10 mins i that. Then I saw a motorcycle. Just a random image that flashed up. But then nothing. I felt weird and I can't pinpoint how it felt or why, but I had a deep down feeling of something being different. Like something changed or was about to change but I have no idea what. Then I said aloud ''Is there anything you want me to see?'' and a horseshoe flashed up. I've seen a horseshoe before, the last time being on the 30th April according to my ritual book. Oddly enough, I just checked and the 30th April was also a thursday. I'd seen a fair few other things that ritual. Including hearing something that I've yet to figure out yet. "A tree grows up from the roots and down from the branches". I just wish I could figure out what it means. I remember at the time googling it and finding something but I can't remember what or whether it was relevant in the end. Will have to have another google I think. Or keep an eye out or anything that might help it make sense.

Anyway, I'm rambling..

I did my prayers asking for an end to my money worries and help to get a car, and for my boyfriend to get better (he's not been well)... and all throughout it felt like I wasn't in myself, it's very weird to explain. I was talking, but it was like I wasn't in my own body like I said earlier, and I felt like I was swaying from side to side even though I wasn't. Was very strange and although I get similar sometimes I don't get it to that degree.

Hmmmm interesting. Now I'm just mulling over everything. I feel fine now. Just tired (fairly standard after prayers) so think I'm going to have an early night. Maybe my dreams will reveal more..

Loooord you gotta keep the faith continued..

For anyone interesting in learning more about Wicca check out..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicca

Loooord you gotta keeep the faaaith.

God I love Bon Jovi.

Merry Lammas everyone, and for those who have no clue what Lammas is, it's a Pagan sabbat, or holy day. I've been officially Wiccan (a branch of paganism) since I was about 13. I'd always believe in a god/goddess and in the earth having it's own spirits and energies for as long as I could remember. It was only when I was 13 that I discovered it actually had a name. I was christened at birth, sent to sunday school when I lived in America, and dragged along to vaaaarious christian gatherings and celebrations throughout my childhood. But it just never clicked for me. I just went along with it whilst secretly believing what I believed and keeping myself to myself.

10-11 years on here I am. I've always believed although my actually 'practicing the faith' has been admittedly on and off due to various constraints. But now I live alone I'm able to do what I like and it's led me to be able to practice regularly again.

I should clarify really what I mean by practice.. practicing to me is prayers, and doing rituals based around prayers, 'talks' to deities and occasional magick anAnyway, this blog isn't about Bon Jovi. d ''spellwork''. The main focus is really on the prayers and talks but sometimes they overlap. It's difficult to explain to those who don't believe, as most would categorise me a witch and be done with it. I'm not a witch. And yes, there IS a difference. Witches do exist, although not in the way movies portray them. Not all wiccans are witches and not all witches are wiccans.. The subtle difference is the magic part. Witches do the magic and the spells but wiccans are more focused on the beliefs and prayers and sometimes do magic. But anyway, I digress..

My beliefs have always been important to me. They've always been there when I've needed them and especially this year, have seen me through some very, very rough times. Although sometimes it's not as great as you'd think. This will sound crazy to most people but, I see, hear and feel things. I've come to call them little visions. Flashes of images, sounds, and strings of coincidences which eventually link and then I have a kind of realisation as to what it was about. Often it's things that either mean something or actually happen. I've had a lot of things which actually happen that I've seen. The other things eventually reveal a meaning, like a message. Sometimes they are very difficult to work out and it can be incredibly frustrating. All in all it has just strengthened by belief in 'everything happens for a reason'. Because, in my experience. It does and the visions and things link into it and give me a meaning. A reason. Which in turn strengthens my belief.

On various occasions I've tried to keep a log of my visions and things but I never keep it up. No idea why really. I guess sometimes I don't need to. If it works out it's generally pretty obvious, but I should keep a record really. If only for my info and so I can look back. For the moment, I'm just content in knowing that it's there if I need it, a bit of guidance and a helping hand through life. Most mainstream beliefs are based on essentially make believe, which is fair enough if you believe strong enough in it. But to me I believe in something I can see feel smell touch taste... I believe in the earth and the energies within it. I pray to gods/goddesses, but those gods/goddesses are the energies of nature... Diana, the moon, Gaia, the earth... Things you can see and know are there... you can feel the energy... if you're open enough to it. Through years of belief and practice I can feel it now. When I pray I feel the energies running through me and can channel them. Although I'm fully aware skeptics will now be thinking ''What drugs is she on and where can I get some''. It's hard to explain. You'll just have to believe me.

Yes, you do think I'm nuts, don't you? But everyone needs something to believe in. For some that belief is simply in not needing a divinity to believe in, and just believing in human nature as it is. Everyone has something. Even if they don't know it.

Merry Lammas all. For now I'll leave you with a pic of the sunset I took just after finishing my prayers tonight.

)O(