Saving Suckiness

Saving for something sucks. Big time.

I'm doing really well with my car savings. But at the moment I'm in that crappy position of 'so close but yet so far'. I currently have £820.07 plus £92.52 to come from work expenses. I should've had the cheque by now but still haven't... very frustrating but hopefully I'll get it tomorrow. Fingers crossed anyway. That'll mean I have £910ish. Woo! I've been looking at a lot of KAs for sale locally and on ebay and am definitely set on getting one. Theoretically I could get one with the money I have. I've seen quite a few. But if I can hold out a bit longer and get to £1500 then I'd be able to be a bit pickier and get something that isn't ancient with tonnes of miles on it. It's just a question of patience and putting up with being skint and unable to really go anywhere except work at the moment.

Today some more things have gone into the paper, so fingers crossed they sell. I haven't heard anything yet. But there's still time. Still hoping for that lottery win too.. fat chance of that though lol. Have also been doing some things to cut down my monthly expenditure. Have switched my gas and electric, saving approx £6 a month, and gone through quidco for £62 cashback. Have also written to Orange complaining, as they agreed to drop my tariff back in April when I renewed and it STILL hasn't been swapped, so I've complained asking for them to correct it and reduce the tariff to £15 from £30 plus give me a refund of the extra charges since april.. so that'll be a nice little amount if I win. Fingers crossed! I just need to look into my phone/broadband now and see if I can find anyone cheaper. Have also cut my spending budget in half for the time being. I'm rarely going out. If I buy anything it's for the girls or housekeeping stuff. I'm just not spending any money on myself at the moment as I can't justify it as the need for a car is greater. So at the moment I'm just going without and the money saved is going towards a car basically.

Obviously not having as much of a life at the moment... haven't been out for lunches/dates with my boyfriend in ages, although he has also been ill. But I suppose one of the big factors is that as much as I want to, it just comes down to me feel guilty at not being able to contribute to the cost. I'm very stubborn and want to support myself, so sometimes I'm very begrudging in letting others pay for things. I'm sure Ian will back me up on that. I have a real problem with wanting to be sefl sufficient and if I can't be or can't pay my share of something it really knocks my self esteem. But at the mo I've got no choice which I suppose is one of the reasons I've not been suggesting going out etc to Ian and Cel or other friends. If I've gone out with friends I've barely spent anything unless it was necessary. The last money I spent going out was £1.05 for a whole weekend and that was for a donation to the hospice in which my mum was cared for when she was dying. Although not an essential expense, one i felt was justified. But even then I felt guilty when friends were buying me water or something. It's quite sad really. Hell, I've even stopped buying breakfast on the way to work simply to save the £3.38. I think the last time I spent proper money was on a cinema trip with my best friend Cel. Even then I felt bad for spending the money but it was very much worth it for a bit of an escape from frugalness. Plus it was a great movie.. lol

It does get to a point where I think it's quite sad. That I've been resorted to basically giving up having money, simply to be able to get something I need. It does get me down a little bit I'll be honest. Having to scrimp and save so much in the vain hope that it'll allow me to get out of this rut and get back into a normal life and off benefits. It's very demoralising. But for the moment I'm doing well with my saving and putting aside literally every spare penny. Hopefully it'll be worth it in the end and I'll be able to get back on track and start living again without having to think whether it'll cost me money I can't afford...

Oh well. Let's just hope it all pays off.

I often wonder though, when I do have the money and am able to get a car... will I find it hard to actually hand over the savings which I've scrimped and saved and sacrificed everything to be able to attain?

Guess only time will tell on that one.

*phew* what a weekend.

This is possibly going to sound really harsh, but I love my weekends without the girls. I equally love my weekends WITH the girls for different reasons don't get me wrong... but it's nice to have 'me' time and recharge the batteries.

Hmm.. maybe recharge the batteries is a bad choice of phrase.. as I'm usually out on friday and saturday nights til late enjoying time with my friends, and recently because I've been so skint and saving every penny for a car I have had to take my dad's car back to him early in the morning.. so no lie ins either. But it's all good. In total this weekend I have spent £1.59. lol The benefits of driving and not drinking :D No hangover.... physically OR financially. lol

Financially I'm all good. After my minor (ok major) moan the other day I actually realised that my child support had gone in late, so all was well in the end and I managed to save some extra money towards my car fund. I also managed to adjust my budget to save some MORE spare cash. Tonight I have my ebay winner collecting my old bass guitar for another £50.. one of my friends Fee has bought a full tin of paint off me for £10, so that's gone in the car fund..

So at the moment it currently stands at...
*drumroll*

£530.34 in the bank
£10 from Fee
£50 from my bass buyer
£92.52 CAB expenses which I should get the cheque for in the coming week.
= £682.86

Woohoo :D

Today I also put 6 items on to go in this weeks local paper ater having a massive sort out of the girls' room, so that should be about another £60 if they all sell. My dad has also promised to give me another £100 on wednesday, but I don't hold my breath with any of his promises, so it's always a bonus if he does come good :)

Planning on also having a big sort out of my room, and also my store room. I can almost guarantee there will be sellable things in the store room. It's piled high with crap that I just have nowhere else to store them.

Also yesterday I opened a savings account and set up a Direct debit to put £10 a week in it. Almost a forced savings plan :D It's higher interest and not directly linked to my current account so will be much better to prevent me frittering money away. :D

All in all a very successful weekened.. full of fun but still making actual progress with the car fund too.

It's nice to have a target to work towards... I'm going to be sooooooo thrilled when I finally get there after all this hard work. It's been tough but it's slowly but surely paying off :D

Good times :)

Who'd want an easy life...

ME that's who.

Ok.. I will warn you this may turn into another self indulgent rant, in which case I whole heartily apologise. But I'm fairly sure that my friends and loved ones are sick to death of hearing about it.. so I thought I'd rant on here instead. Sorted.

As is well documented, I'm currently in a shite situation with regard to money. If I'm honest I'm just scraping by at the minute alright. I can pay my bills, I'm not in arrears with anything, meeting my commitments and generally managing to have an alright life really all things considering. But things are tight. Very tight. Mainly, admittedly, because I am trying my damned hardest to save every spare penny towards a car. Ok, ok... so this hardship is possibly fairly majorly self induced. At the moment, literally EVERY spare penny is going towards my car fund. This has meant I've sacrificed pretty much all of my spending money other than essentials and very very veeery occasion small treats... like my usual Mcdonalds breakfast before work. But even that is going to have to go now for reasons I'll explain in a bit.

But... I'm happy to say it's slowly but surely paying off. Car savings currently stand at..

£360.58 in the bank
£51.01 to come from an ebay sale (end of the week hopefully)
£92.52 work expenses (should get the cheque in the next week)
£46.58 transferring over from paypal as we speak, should clear by end of the week..
= £550.69

:D

But... I have a small problem. My previous budgets that I'd worked out to be able to save as much as I have over the past couple of weeks have not included one minor detail. The fact that I have the majority of my household bills going on at the beginning on September. *sigh*

If I can get past this coming week I'll be ok. Just about anyway. I just need to get to next friday. God this sucks. I have approximately £120 worth of bills going out before then. And guess how much income I have.. £150. Joy. So I have to go... *counts* 10 days, on £30. That's £3 a day. ooooooooooh fun! Considering I can easily spent £30 on a night out... and half that on ONE trip to the cinema... I'm going to be spending bugger all on anything for me. Food and the girls come first and it's tight as it is so it's going to have to be a case of I go without. Simple as.

Until next tuesday I actually don't have any spare money at all. I'm actually about 40p in debt to my savings at the moment because I had to but some essential food earlier. So I'm fairly screwed in that sense if anything comes up.


*Sar listens to the faint murmuring in the background...*

Yea. I know. I know exactly what you're thinking.

"Why the hell doesn't she use her savings?"

Well... simple (although maybe illogical) reason really. I don't want to. I have worked my ass off scrimping and saving to get the money that I have saved. It's been really, really really hard and to have as much as I do has been a massive achievement for me personally. I know it's not much by anyone's standards but it's a lot to me. Having nothing makes you value what you do have even more. If I use my savings now, it'll easily be frittered away, with a 'promise' to replace it....

I don't want that. I NEED a car. It's the only way I'm going to be able to drive (pun unintended) myself forward and get out of this rut. To give in now and use my savings will just put me further back. And god knows it's been difficult enough as it is. I'm not giving in now. Not now I've finally started making some headway.

Please don't get me wrong. If I need to, I will. But, if I can manage on what I have for the time being til things get better then that's what I'm going to do. I'm not giving up when I've come this far.

It's been really difficult up to now. So what's a little bit longer?

More frugal than a frugal thing..

Gah. I hate money. Or should I say, I hate LACK of money. For years now I have been forced to live my life counting every penny and sacrficing most treats and things, either for the girls, or to repay debt, or just generally because money is tight. It's shit and makes life really hard.
I budget, I count LITERALLY every penny, I can tell you, to the nearest £1, how much my monthly bills are, and I hate it. But at the moment I'm caught in a complete catch 22.

I haven't got a car.
The work I do requires a car to cover local outreaches and get to our main office a good 17 miles away.
Because I haven't got a car I can't take on more hours at work.
Because I can't take on more hours at work I can't afford to buy a car....

and so the cycle continues.. and it sucks. Fairly officially.

I want nothing more than to go to work more. Ideally I want to do between 16 and 25 hours to fit around my eldet starting school, this will enable me to get off benefits completely, regain my feeling of self worth and self sufficiency, and because of the nature of the job I do (and it's rather nice salary) it would allow me to get rid of 'frugal' and be able to relax financially.

But... I can't.

BECAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD A FECKING CAR......

*sigh*

I try my hardest to save. I REALLY do. But considering I'm living off benefits, and have a large nursery bill to pay in full to be able to work as much as I do, I'm fairly screwed.

So at the moment I'm making a conscious effort to save every spare penny. I've trawled the house looking for sellable items, but because in my old debt busting days I regularly sold life and limb to claw every spare penny to repay debt, and my exhusband took a fair bit with him when he left, I have hardly anything of value.

So in a house wide search of saleable items I found...

My engagement ring..(Pfft, THAT can definately go..)
A faulty 'Guitar Hero: World Tour' Drum kit.
2 bin bags of the girls' old clothes.
An old bass guitar that I no longer use.

Approximate value if it all sells for asking price?.. £395

The adverts went into a local paper today, and so far the girls's clothes have gone. Netting me a nice £15 towards cardom.

Add that to the £40 I had in cash saved and also expenses from work to come of about £70ish... that's... £125.

Not much but it's a start. As I speak I am formulating a *plan*. A plan to save the money and get me out of this viscious cycle. Will update later...