My Summer 2009 Essentials

In a concept stolen from a fellow mummy blogger….

My summer 2009 essentials.

Brick wall
To bang my head against when shit keeps hitting the fan....


Festivals!!
This year I’ll have been to Download (whole weekend) Sonipshere (praying on no unfortunate tragedy which prevents me going on Sunday… *gets on knees and prays*
Festivals create a ‘mini holiday’ away from anything and everything. Time away to yourself to go and have fun with your friends. Download for me this year was my first and the perfect example of a much needed and brilliantly timed holiday. After the chaos and stress of the previous months to get away and enjoy myself literally saved my sanity. As much as I don’t need a holiday in the same respect that I did before download, Sonisphere is going to be fab, even if I am only going for the Sunday, and I can’t wait :D
Good music, good friends and a mini holiday.. what more could you ask for to protect your fragile sanity? :D


Xbox 360

For all those miserable, rainy, grim, grey, soggy and boring days. Current favourite games are:
FEAR 2 (restarted after finishing FEAR :D)
FEAR (recently finished)
Worms: Armageddon
Beautiful Katamari (for the kids and the BF, before you ask *shudder*)
Guitar Hero: Metallica
Left4Dead (which I don’t actually own.. D’oh!)
The Simpsons game (co-op with the BF)



DVDs
To prevent mother going insane in the membrane, also on those miserable, rainy, grim, grey, soggy and boring days.
Demonites’ current favourites..
Wall-E
Bolt
Charlie and the motherfucking chocolate factory
Barnyard



Tissues
In preparation for Demonite 1’s first day at school.. D-day Sept 8th……blub!!




Bottomless bank account
To fund aforementioned activites, and more specifically, Demonite 1’s school uniform for D-day…

Encyclopedia Childhoodica Part 1

''Independence ''
Definition: Fending for yourself, while in effect eating/drinking yourself and your family out of house and home.

''Siblings''
Definition: Your lifelong foe and loathed enemy, who must be destroyed at any available opportunity and by any means neccesary.

''Sharing''
See alternative definition: ''Mine''

''Art''
Definition: A vast array of miscellaneous colours, shapes, textures and materials, forcibly and irretrievably applied to every available surface, regardless of value, sentimentality, rules, or artistic impression.

''Weapon''
Definition: Any item available and within reason to cause ''Demolition''.
Referenced examples: Crayons, ''Sustinence'', Body parts (Flesh and Calcified), Chairs, Tables, Gaming Paraphenalia, books, utensils, any object solid or liquified.
See related article: ''Demolition'', ''Sustinence''

''Entertainment''
See: ''Cbeebies'' (BBC, 2002 to present) Related link www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies
See also: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Tim Burton, 2005)
Related link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0367594/

''Demolition:
See alternative articles: ''Playing'', ''Sharing''.

''Sustinence''
Definition: Any material, animal or mineral, which may be ejected through the air at great speed and trajectory, usually towards valuable objects, and away from the place of origin. Such items are rarely ingested into the user's body for nutritional value, unless the item has a high cocoa or sugar content, or is of primary colour or not intended for human consumption.

''No''
Definition: Express permission to carry out any act or activity regardless of consequence.

''Playing''
Definition: Beating the living daylights out of the ''Sibling''.
Alternative definition: Demolition of any person, object or surface in sight, with any nearby '''weapon''.
See related articles ''Sibling'', ''Weapon''.
See outside source example: www.UFC.com

''Mothers''
Definition: Evil dictators of who's mission is to prevent ''playing'', ''demolition'', ''art'', ''independence'', and ''entertainment''.
Commonly used 'Mother' phrases: ''NO!'', ''Stop that!'', ''You plank!'', ''Can't you just place nice??'' and ''gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!''

*signifying disapproval through groans, sighs and rolling eyes.*

Un-fucking-believable.

The jobcentre are official incompetant retards.

Brief background of the situation. I'm on income support. (Not through choice might I add. joy. *rolls eyes*) Beginning of May I started as a paid advisor 4 hours a week... here's the retardedness timeline..

6th May - Call jobcentre to inform them I'd started work so they could amend by benefit. Told to call back when I'd been paid.
20th May - Call back, having been paid. Told to send in wage slip.
Few days later - Send in wage slip with a cover letter as it had an error on it.
Beginning June - Jobcentre send back wage slip as the NI number is wrong. I call them. They tell me to send it back with a note on it.
Next day - Sent it back, with cover letter still attached and added note with correct NI number on it.
Middle June - Jobcentre use the wrong figure to calculate my benefit, claiming I earn double what I do, and slash my benefit from £64 a week, to a fiver. Call Jobcentre and complain, told they don't bother reading letters and it's my problem, and to send in another payslip.
20th(ish) June - Send in ANOTHER payslip, with correct details on it and with a cover letter telling them I was now recieveing child maintenance.
Middle July - Still not heard anything, and still struggling £5 a week. Call them to be told it was 'sorted' and that my payments were going back up to £45 a week and I was going to get a cheque for £150 backpayment.
Few days later - recieve cheque and new award letter. Child maintenance not included.
Today - Letter from jobcentre, ''I am writing to tell you that your recent change in circumstances does not affect the amount we pay you''.

FFS. I KNOW it does. The first £20 a week of child maintenance is ignored but the rest comes off your benefit. and I'm getting £173 a month. Can they not add up??? FFS! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

*bangs her head up a wall*

Can't wait til I'm off benefits for good. This is driving me mad.

and if they think they're going to try and reclaim this overpayment because of their incompentance they've got another thing coming. Can't they do basic things like read or add up???

*sigh*

Hi ho.. hi ho...

it's off to peace and quiet I go..

Here I am. At work. Writing this. Oh the irony. Fact is, I've done all my work. I've finished my writing up of my previous cases, I've even managed to cross one of my personal 'todo list' items off. Today is the first CAB of the summer holidays, at an outreach that's only really been going properly a few months. At least weekly. It's based in a school, so as you can imagine, at the mo there are about.. hmmm... 3 people here? Not including me. I've so far counted a receptionist, the head and the caretaker.

*watches tumbleweed roll around the carpark*

That thing better not scratch my dad's car...

Anyway, I'm not complaining. Far from it. I can catch up on my work, and I get to have that oh so blessed, and missed wonder that is peace and quiet. If I turn my music off all I can hear in the tapping of keys, the whirr of the laptop fan and the buzz of electricity. Oh and the ringing in my ears.. the joys of being a bassist..

But I love it. I love my job. We work hard. But times like this I can just relax, catch up on some revising, and just have a bit of time away with my own company, in between clients and actual work obviously.

So for now I shall sign off, I've got Keane, coffee and some peace and quiet.

Bliss.

To the rescue..

God what a day.

Today is day 1 of the summer holidays. Ash starts school in exactly 7 weeks. And for the coming weeks Ash isn't doing her government funded nursery sessions, just the sessions when I'm at work.

God.. please please please don't let every day of the holidays be like today. It's been utter hell. I've been trying to get my house tidy. This.. I've discovered is impossible. I managed to tidy my bedroom and put my clothes away.

After a good hour of hard graft and trying to keep the girls happy at the same time..

''Success!!'' I thought!! I have a clean room!!! And clean clothes!!

Oh... wait.... world war III has ensued in the rest of the house, so now instead of having a moderately cluttered and dirty house.. I have a clean bedroom and an absolute bombsite for the rest of the house. FFS... because.. of course.. silly me. I took my attention off the girls for a bit to try and get something done.. and what happened? They merrily set about creating 10x more work for me in other places.

God. Kill me. Kill me now. Maybe I should just lock myself in the bedroom and pretend I live in a spotless, but illequipped bedsit? Hmm maybe not then.

But today has been one of those days where you just want to resign from parenthood.
''I hereby give my 1 weeks notice to the termination of my mummy contract, I have regrettfully decided that I can no longer work with the customers and hereby resign from any parental duties.''
If only it were that simple!

I love them to death but JESUS WEPT they've been playing up recently. Hissy fits, fighting, biting, scratching, hiting, kicking, shouting, screaming, snatching, stabbing.... and I'm not even exaggerating. I'm worn out. Not only from that, they're absolute horrors in the evenings going to bed now and will easily go to bed and still be awake and playing up 2-3 hours later. That and they're waking up around 630am and playing up. I'm exhausted, I'm falling behind with housework and I want a holiday! Argh!

I could've eaaaasily just sat in the corner and cried from the stress today. I tried to make dinner, but because of being so busy I'd not be able to do a food shop, so I couldn't even make the spag bol I'd planned! The kids had devoured all the bread, milk and fruit after the early rising, seeing as I struggle to haul myself out of bed. I come down to a graveyard of bread crusts and spilt milk from where the girls have happily helped themselves and LITERALLY eaten us out of house and home. Thankfully they left me enough milk to have a much needed coffee... thanks kids..

Thankfully today I had a saviour. My wonderful, wonderful boyfriend. Who upon hearing my tales of woe and self pity, came round (without me asking) and watched the girls for a bit so I could have a break and go do a food shop so we actually had some food to eat. He would've put them to bed too had their room not have been so trashed he couldn't find their bedsheets and pyjamas. D'oh! I really am incredibly lucky to have someone like him. He'll probably say I'm talking crap but I can honestly say I've not known anyone as sweet or caring as him. He'll do anything to help me, and will go out of his way to see me smile. He treats me like a princess and even though he's never had to deal with children in this capacity before he'll happily look after them and they love him too. The really dote on him and it's really sweet. I'm just really very lucky really. And god knows he's been there when I've needed him like today. Even if I am stubborn and don't admit when I need it. Beef, you know who you are. Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me.

God what a day. Enough of the ranting. I need a bath and a destress before bed, and some bloody sleep! Will no doubt rant again soon.. but for now. Catch you on the flipside. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Night x

Debt and Apathy

Days like today remind me why I've chosen the career I have. For those who aren't aware I'm an advisor for the Citizens Advice Bureau. Planning on one day specialising in Debt Casework.

I love my job. I have to love my job to be still doing it, as since April 2008 it's been 95% voluntary. I was taken on one day a week as a paid Advisor in addition to my voluntary days in May 09. So up until then I was totally voluntary, and I continue to do one day paid, 2/3 voluntary now. Which goes to show the extent at which I love my job. I've finally found something I am good at. Helping people. I've always been that way though, I've always been the one to sacrifice herself to sort other people out, and always the one people came to with problems. People know I'd either fix it, or I'd be able to give them advice about it. It took 23 years to find myself a career after many failed attempts at retraining. Well I say failed, I was very successful at retraining. I'm a qualified Photographer, nursery nurse, and I have a National Association of Goldsmiths Certificate in Retail Jewellery, plus various other certificates and the like. But having children and being the 'stay at home mum' (Not through choice, may I add.) meant I had to sacrifice a career. Twice.

But, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that.

The way I got into wanting to help people and specialise in debt advice came from my own personal circumstances. During the course of my marriage, myself and my ex mounted up numerous debts. About 16k in all. It was going through the torment of me sorting this out that spurred me into wanting to use the knowledge I'd gained by helping others. I regularly used moneysavingexpert.com and became a bit of a minor celeb on there... keeping a debt diary followed by countless people and giving advice to those who followed, I even appeared twice on Martin Lewis' It Pays to Watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHv8gVUr8EY

So here I am today. A soon to be divorcee, and on the road to becoming a debt advisor. Funny how things work out...

Debt wise I have around about £1500 to my name now. My ex took the car, and the related hire purchase debt, with him when he left. I was, at one point, debt free. But then I discovered that in typical me fashion, drama is never far away, and unexpected costs such as the washing machine breaking down (sliiiiiightly essential when you have a family to run...) aren't exactly affordable when you're a single mother on benefits.. so the debt was run up again. At the moment it's stable and has been for a while at around the £1500 mark, and is managable so I'm not worried. It bugs me, I won't lie. I hate owing anyone money. I hate it. I suppose that's partly due to the enforced frugal life I lived (and still live now..) while trying to get out of the original marriage debt. I still count EVERY penny, and find it incredibly hard to justify spending any money. At all. I really have to push myself, which leads to inevitable occasional splurges. (I have quite a weakness for Bass guitars... oops...)

Without wishing to moan this past year or so has been a nightmare, emotionally and financially. I can't remember ever having such a difficult year as I've had. It's taken a long, long time to feel myself again. I have to say really that my children and my job have been the only things keeping me going at some points. I'm absolutely amazed that I managed to get through any of it in one piece. I've never been that low without being clinically depressed, and I never, ever want to get there again. I'm so thankful I had my job. It gave me something to focus on. The ironic thing is that in my job, you help other people and can forget about your own while focussing on someone elses. And I think in a way that has helped me through a very, very difficult time of my life.

Now I am in a better position myself, I'm actually starting to realise that those people I helped, also helped me, although they didn't know it. I've always been a very apathetic person. I all too often put myself mentally in the situations of people I speak to. I feel for them, and I feel what they're feeling. At work that is even more prevalent. Today for example, I saw a debt client who was incredibly distressed with their situation. She had come in with their husband, and because of their debt she was seriously considering 'seperating' from her husband, simply so they could claim benefits and each the financial strain they were under together. They had no relationship problems, they were just that desperate, that it was seriously being considered that they end their happy emotional lives together, because of debt. She became incredibly upset and all you can do is tell them the facts. The sad thing is I'm not a counsellor. I'm an advisor. I advise people on law and practical matters. All you want to do with clients like those is just cry with them. The desperation they feel is beyond comprehension. But that's the thing. I've been there. I know how awful it is. I know how desperate you can be and feel there's no way out. It's no wonder many people commit suicide over debt problems.

I truly believe that the creditors are part of the problem. Some of them are disgusting. Ruthless. Aggressive. They bully and frighten people into paying money they can't afford without care for the implications.

Final demand letters are littered with scare tactics...
PRE LITIGATION NOTICE....
BALIFFS..
SOLICITORS...
COURT ACTION..
CHARGING ORDERS..
DEDUCTIONS FROM EARNINGS...
YOU HAVE 7 DAYS TO PAY OR WE SHALL INSTRUCT OUR CLIENT TO APPLY FOR A COMMITAL TO PRISON ORDER..

Bold, red type, capital letters, big words the customer isn't sure to understand.. anything.. to scrape that last tiny penny out of them. Anything. Can't eat for a week? Who cares, we want our money. Have to sell your body on the street? So what you owe us £100 now pay up!!

Bastards.

I do have to say, I have dealt with some creditors that are exemplary. They go beyond themselves to help struggling clients and work with us. But some are absolutely disgusting. Obviously I can't go into details, but some of the things I've seen are shocking.

If anything it just gives me more drive to help the client. People can't help getting into problems sometimes. The aforementioned distressed cl was ripped off for thousands by a solicitor which is pending court action for compensation, but until then.. what do they live on? Bread and water?

''Of course.. now pay up.'' says the creditor.

Grrrr...

The eternal trade off.

Sanity vs raising children.

Ok, so maybe this is going to be a bit of a self indulgent moan/rant... but I'm going to do it anyway :P

Raising children on your own is the single hardest thing in the world. 18 years, minimum, of stress, tantrums, heartache, anger, frustration, tears and sacrifices. The 'eternal trade off' I speak of.. is control. I have no control over my life anymore. The demonites have it. Everything I do is dictated by them. THEY let me go to work, when they're not ill, and when family finances allow me to pay for them to go to nursery. The family finances, again, being controlled by them (obviously not directly, otherwise all my money would be spent on primary coloured random objects and things that make obnoxious noises, plus a satellite subscription to every children's tv channel known to man as well as a never ending collection of 'special movies'.) I should really clarify, that special movies is the new my eldest demonite gives any new dvd, and not special movies in the 'wink wink nudge nudge' way. Having children is not my all encompassing cover up for a humongous porn collection.

Honest...

No really.

Stop looking at me like that!

But anyway. As I was saying. You sacrifice so much when you have children. Sleep. Money. A social life. Control. Treats. Relationships to some degree. It's very difficult to get 'you' time or alone time with someone special when you've got children replicating world war III in their bedroom and trying to claw each other's eyes out before attempting to commit suicide by climbing out of the (thankfully childproofed) first floor bedroom window.. or to go out and do anything social without the risk of a mini-tantrum-armageddon in the middle of the *insert any location here*...

Sanity??? What sanity???? I laugh at the concept of this 'sanity' you speak of. *narfnarfnarf*

I don't mean to moan. And it's impossible for anyone who isn't a parent to imagine the scale of the job parent's have. But anyone who does will know exactly what I'm on about.

When you have children, your life is no longer your own. You are 'parent'. You are now sole carer for a life, that without you, couldn't and wouldn't exist.

No pressure then...


*disclaimer - I love my demons. I wouldn't be without them. Ever. For all my moaning I still love them to pieces and cherish every day I'm priviledged to spend with them. But fuck me they're hard work...

Carnage.

There are some days where you sit back and you think... how did I get here? Why am I here? and.. wait a minute.. what the fuck was that noise?

Thankfully. Today isn't one of those days. Today is a fairly A-typical... no... B-typical, day in the life of Emotard. I say B-typical, because as once informed by ye olde boyfriend, who wasn't then my ye olde boyfriend... at least I think it was my ye olde boyfriend.... uh.... well .. anyway, as I was informed by someone who may or may not have been my ye olde boyfriend, A-typical is the opposite of typical. Which isn't what I mean at all. It's a typical day, in the way that my life is never typical. So for me typical is a-typical. But as today is pretty a-typical, it's therefore a typical day for me. Hence b-typical.

Oh god I've lost you already haven't I?

Get used to it.

My life's never been particulaly easy, or simple, or stable. So A-typical is pretty standard for me. Today, for example, I set off for work, had to turn around to pick one of my demon A up from nursery as she'd thrown up. Brought her home, leaving the demon B at nursery. Then I had to take my bass guitar, which demon B had broken to a friend, praying he could fix the aforementioned bass. This is in the car that I have borrowed from my disowned then reowned father, which is getting more and more faults by the day, todays of which included part of the interior falling off and the reverse light breaking. Oh and some random electrical noise and things moving of their own accord. And today has been a pretty quiet day...

Not bad for a day I should've been at work. But instead I had another day off work, added to the long list of unplanned time off I've had because of demon illness.

I should clarify. I have demons, but not inner demons. Or poltergeist type demons, or some kind of unholy creature of darkness demons... well.. maybe I do have inner demons... but that's another story :D

The demons I refer to are my children. Ashli, aged 4.. and Kaitlyn, aged 2. Affectionately referred to as the demons, demonites, heathens, evil dictators, twisted unforgiving unholy beings of unadulterated evil... or Ash and KK. My 2 daughters, my minions, my future army of evil... that or the 2 horrors who will be wiping my ass when I'm aged 80 if they haven't disowned me for being a crazy cat lady before then. I know which is more likely..

My daughters are my world. They are the only thing I need on this planet other than sustinence and oxygen. Men? Bah. Who needs em. Money? Meh. Such a common concept. No. All I need is my 2 little demons. Trained and willing to take over the world by my side, or in my honour should I fall foul to foes such as the 'career' or the 'love'. I train them well. They aleady have a penchant for mindless destruction (hence the bass guitar... *rolls eyes*). Soon they shall be ready to do my bidding... soooon....

Ah crap. They're not going to be ready to do my bidding unless I feed the little feckers... ah well.. dinner calls. World domination plans shall continue after we have feasted.... on.. uh.. fish fingers. Or something.

Hmm...